♥ A Lil Nervous ♥

As you all know, I have been going to Physical Therapy for my back for almost a month now. 

It isn't helping...in fact, it has actually felt worse for the last few weeks.  I went in to see my specialist this last week & he recommended that I go ahead & start the epidural cortisone injections since I don't seem to be getting any better as far as the pain is concerned. 

I am so nervous, but at the same time hopeful that I will finally get some relief.  I have been in pain for so long that I don't remember what it's like to not be in pain.  Even the pain medicine doesn't take the pain completely away.  It's always there, gnawing at me, taunting me in a way as if to say 'hey, I'm pain & I'm never going away.' 

 Along with the pain, now all of my toes, except my big ones, have been going numb...before, it was just my left toes.  The pain, once confined to my left side, has now moved to my right also & seems to be worse than the left-sided pain.  I feel like maybe the physical therapy has aggravated my back more & has possibly done more damage than what was originally there.

I am hoping and praying that these injections work...at least a little...because I cannot imagine living with the pain I have right now, for the rest of my life.  It is affecting my quality of life even if no one can physically see it.  I can walk around right now & if you were to run into me at the store, you probably wouldn't be able to tell that I'm in pain...I'm good at hiding it & I'm good at pretending that it isn't there, but I can feel it constantly & just because I don't walk like I'm crippled doesn't mean I'm not hurting.  Standing up straight, walking around, actually makes it hurt a little less, not a lot, but a little. 

 If you were to come to my house & watch me try to do my everyday chores, you would be able to see how it affects me on a daily basis.  Sitting here at the computer right now, is killing my back.  Any type of bending over sends me into severe pain & I get stuck & can't stand up straight when that happens.  Loading & unloading the dishwasher is the worst & I try not to do it, but when no one is here to help me, I have no choice but to suffer through it.  I've pretty much given up sweeping, mopping & cleaning the bathtub. 

 My kids help me out a lot & I hate how much they are having to do for me.  I am their mom & I should be doing most of the housework.  Yeah it's good that they are learning to be responsible and help out but the extent of work that they do around here is just not fair to them.  I don't want them to feel like they are taking care of me when I am the one that should be taking care of them.  It is killing me not to be able to take care of my family. 

Please pray that these injections work for me...I am at my wits' end with this pain & I honestly don't know how much more I can take.

♥ Just A Girl ♥