♥ Part of the Past Playing into the Future ♥

Living

And she says, 'I just feel like dying.

I don't think I can make it another day.

 Merely existing, but not truly living.'

As if her life could be lived any other way.

She is lost, confused, and out of control

Falling into order and justifying it all

Routine becomes her life sentence

Ridiculed by self-existence

Emotional detachment at it's best

Ruining the girl who strives for the rest

Self-sacrificing her own happiness

Realizing it is only her dream

What may, remains a constant battle

Thriving to keep her from going insane

Her reality became her nightmare

Slowly suffocating without even breathing

Until one day something started changing

She never quit hoping

She never quit praying

Her mere existence lost and now she is living

I wrote this poem a few years ago.  I had felt trapped & monotonous with my life in general.  I felt back then that this poem fit perfectly because I made some changes & felt good again.  I believe now that I wrote this poem years before it actually had true meaning behind it.  Sometimes we have to let go of our expectations &  ideas we've held on to for far too long, in order to let what's meant to be happen...

XOXO~
Just A Girl 

♥ He took my heart with him ♥

I never knew it would be this hard to be away from the man I have fallen in love with.  The sad part is, he will only be gone less than a week!  We've been away from each other before, but back then, it didn't feel as emotional as it does now.  Our relationship has taken a turn towards a deeper, stronger attachment to each other.  I guess the "L" word torched the spark that had already taken it's place in our hearts.  Love has totally fanned the flames of our burning desire for one another which makes it unbearable to remain apart for any amount of time...He has only just left this morning & already I find myself missing him like crazy!  I miss seeing his beautiful eyes as he stares into mine while ever so gently holding my face in his strong hands.  I miss his smell & the touch of his lips against mine.  I miss his voice that has the power to melt me whenever he speaks.  I miss his arms wrapped around me tight & his skin pressed against my cheek as we fall asleep.  I miss the way he looks at me from across the room & makes me blush because I know he's going to say those 3 words that send me into a blissful oblivion.  I miss the way he makes me blush when he tells me how beautiful I am & when I look away, he takes my face into his hands & looks into my eyes & tells me again face to face & really makes sure I'm hearing that I'm beautiful & amazing & I miss the way he makes me believe him.  I miss the way he makes me laugh so hard I almost cry.  I miss the way he reaches out & grabs my hand when we are walking together.  I miss the way he comes up behind me and wraps his arms around me & gently kisses the back of my neck & whispers the sweetest words in my ear.   I miss the way we sit around & talk for hours about anything & everything.  I miss the way my kids run up & give him hugs & kisses & the way he scoops them up in his strong arms.  I miss the way he's so genuine & sincere & makes all of us feel like we mean the world to him. This man means the world to us.  This man took me by the hand & led me by my heart & made me believe in love. 

XOXO~
Just A Girl 

♥ Easier Thought Than Said ♥

I am the happiest girl in the world!  My wonderful, amazing boyfriend told me he didn't care if it was too soon that he had to tell me how he feels & that he just couldn't hold it in any longer!  He told me that he is falling in love with me!  The night went on & we watched a movie & just hung out talking & listening to music like we always do....then he grabbed me, held my face in his strong, gentle hands, looked me in the eyes & said, "You are so wonderful to me & everything you do is so wonderful.  You took a man who never thought he'd love again & made me love you with a love I've never felt before.  You make me feel so loved & so cared for.  I want you to know that I'm scared to lose you & I've never been scared to lose anything.  You make me want to be a better man.  I love you baby."

Let me just say that whatever cloud I was floating on before is nothing compared to where I'm at now!  He has this way of making me feel like the luckiest girl in the world...like I've found my Prince Charming!  It's such a beautiful feeling.....he is such a beautiful person...he is so caring, so patient, so loving, so kind, so gentle yet so strong, so intelligent, so amazing!  He is everything I've ever looked for in a man & yet so much more than I ever expected! 

Our songs to one another are Whitesnake 'The Deeper The Love' & 3 Doors Down 'Your Arms Feel Like Home' 

He is ever so slowly building up my faith in love & making me believe that maybe...just maybe...true love does exist...

XOXO~

Just A Girl 

♥ Love Letters & Such ♥

Ok...so you know how being a hormonal, emotional, googly eyed girl sometimes gets in the way of a good thing? Well, it didn't, but it totally could have! You see, in my mind I have this perfect description of what I want in my Prince Charming & my Prince Charming writes me love letters or at least little simple notes every now & then. Well, I started to think that maybe Mr. Wonderful wasn't my Prince Charming because I had wrote him a little note a week ago or so & he hadn't returned the sentiment. Sure he's said the most sweetest things to me which do make up for not writing me, but like I said, the googly eyed, head over heels princess really enjoys a love letter from her Prince! So this morning I wake up to find a carefully rolled letter stuck in my keyring! I'm going to end this entry with the last few sentences from my letter because every time I read them I fall in love a little more...This man amazes me more & more everyday!

"Remember, everything I do, no matter what it is, you are on my mind. You make me feel like I belong. I don't think my feet have touched the ground since the first time you pressed your lips to mine"

XOXO~
Just A Girl 

♥ Everyday Life ♥

I figured I should throw something in here about my everyday ventures so here it goes!

Today I woke up not feeling very well. My chest hurt, my head hurt, I was coughing something terrible & my whole body felt like I got squished by a big giant boulder that fell from Mt Everest................I'm better now!

After wrestling my way out from under the covers(they put up a good fight!) I made my way to the kitchen & made a giant pot of strong coffee...while waiting for it to brew I woke up the munchkins. By the time I got them up & ready to go an hour had passed by & now we were a bit late...I must add now that I am almost always late wherever I go. If you want me to be somewhere on time I need a pre-arrival time of at least an hour, but don't tell me what time I can really be there because it just won't happen! I'm working on this issue but it seems like no matter how early I start getting ready, I still end up being late.

And on that note, I am going to go ahead & add that I believe myself to be a bit ADHD.  I do however love Belgian Waffles, the smell of rain & cut grass & clean clothes, french kiss scentsy, my kids' smiles, the way my man says my name, the way he makes me feel, the way he looks at me, the color green, the number 19, OU Sooners, taking pictures, music, looking at old pictures, thrift stores, high heels, & jager blasters on the rocks ♥ 

Back to my day....After I got home from taking the kids to school, I did the dishes & cleaned up the living room. I folded clothes, vacuumed, & took the dog out. He's a Pomeranian & just the sweetest little thing ever. I think he has an identity crisis though cuz he's always hopping in the window sill & on the back of the couch like a cat & he'll chase a laser light for hours!

I had pizza with ranch for lunch, visited a good friend, ran some errands, & picked the kids up from school. I made tacos for dinner, spent some quality time with the family, got the kids bathed & in bed & am now blogging about my productive day! This is as close as it gets to me twittering....I about covered everything that went on in my life today minus a few things ;)

Now I am going to hop off here & spend time with my wonderful boyfriend before I get some much needed sleep! I'll blog about why he's so wonderful tomorrow! ♥

XOXO~
Just A Girl

♥ The Perfect Side...........As Opposed To The Right ♥

I woke up on the perfect side of the bed this morning! It felt absolutely amazing to wake up to snuggles & kisses from the man who has almost captured my whole heart! I never thought I would feel this way about a man again after everything I've went through....sometimes we endure such pain & heartache that we tend to give up on love. I was to that point quite literally & wasn't even looking to date a man much less fall head over heels for one. They were dead to me...ALL of them! I built walls around my heart & named myself the Heartbreaker...my theme song became Break Your Heart by Taio Cruz because from that point on all I was going to do was break hearts of men because of the man that broke mine into a million little pieces. If you've ever been heartbroken you know that it literally feels like your heart has been ripped out of your chest & that there is nothing left but a gaping, black, never ending hole. My hole is gradually being repaired. This man is so giving of his love & so gentle with mine. He feels the slightest change in my emotions & carefully gets me to talk about what's going on inside me. I've never had a man who could read me like that & honestly it scares me a little...okay A LOT, but he has gotten me to open up like never before & actually cares about why I feel the way I do & wants to heal this broken heart of mine. I'm so grateful to have this man in my life who sweetly wakes me up on the perfect side of the bed every morning...

XOXO~
Just A Girl  

♥ A Little About Me.... ♥

I need somewhere to release my emotions as I tend to hold them in. I have found that it is somewhat easier getting them out on paper as opposed to saying them out loud. I am the type of person who holds everything in until I blow & that normally entails a bunch of tissues & someone's shoulder. The only time I normally let it all out is after a night of drinking. The alcohol inhibits my emotions to flow freely like the opinions in my head which should most of the time be kept to myself! Well, my opinions & emotions are definitely going to be spewing so I hope to hurt no feelings & maybe help myself mentally as well as maybe helping someone else also.

Most likely this blog is going to be as random as I am. I was going to try to keep it somewhat organized but I realized that the thoughts in my head are in no way neat & tidy. There are just random thoughts, ideas, opinions, vents, quotes, & comebacks floating around in my brain like the lava in a lava lamp just waiting to fly out of my mouth. I figure I'll just pick a topic, whatever's on my mind, & write about it. It may not make any sense to anyone but me, but that's okay...I'm going to get it all out & that's all that matters. I suppose I should give you all a little background information about myself for those who want to follow along. I'm a 32 year old mother of 3 great children. My oldest daughter is 10, my son is 9 & my youngest daughter is 6. My furry son is a pomeranian who is almost a year and a half. I am dating a wonderful man who spoils me, which is quite different from the usual douchebags I end up marrying. It is taking some getting used to that's for sure & I fight him every step of the way, but luckily for me, he can read me like a book & has the patience to deal with my stubbornness. He is kindly & ever so gently breaking down my walls that I have built to protect my heart. He is so great with my children & they just adore him. I am especially amazed at how my son has opened up to him as he doesn't open up to anyone. I hope to continue on this journey for a long time to come & wouldn't it be nice if this was the last journey I would ever have to make? I am a hopeless romantic despite what I've been through which is just crazy considering my novella of mistakes & regrets of the past............none of them my children....I wouldn't trade them for the world! They have helped me live through those mistakes & kept me moving forward even when the weight of giving up was resting heavily upon my heart like a relentless nagging mother-in-law.

XOXO~

Just A Girl