♥ An Update ♥

Well, I had said that I was going to start posting everyday or even every other day in my last post...unfortunately, I haven't been able to due to my never-ending (it seems) medical issues!

I have been doing alot of nothing here lately, except for sleeping & taking care of my sick babies!  It seems like when I get one well, another one gets sick!  My youngest just got over a stomach bug that my oldest had at the beginning of the week & now my man & I are both not feeling well.  I am hoping & praying that we don't end up getting it, but the odds are stacked against us right now. 

We are all doing good minus my health issues.  The kids are loving school & doing really good in their classes.  My son is in IEP & has made drastic improvements since he started.  He has really improved & is constantly impressing me with his schoolwork.  He is such a great artist & is always bringing me home something he has drawn!  He's a really sweet boy, when he wants to be, & those sweet moments are coming out more & more everyday!

My oldest is playing the clarinet now & is really good at it!  She is 3rd chair right now which is really great considering she got it coming up from the last chair!  I am so proud of her & I am really glad that she enjoys playing it! 

My youngest is in the 2nd grade & is excelling wonderfully!  She loves to go to school & I am so thankful for that!  She is coming along great socially as well. 
I am so proud of all 3 of them!

As for me...well, I've been going to the doctor a lot here lately.  I just had a urodynamics test done last Friday.  It tests bladder functioning & volume to see how strong or weak my bladder is.  I go get the results of this test on the 14th & then on Nov. 3rd I am scheduled to have an ultrasound.  When I went to my new gyno/uro the first time the doctor was feeling around on my abdomen and said that on the left side he felt a mass so that is why they are doing the ultrasound.  I will be having quite a few things done in the next few months because of my Interstitial Cystitis, Endometriosis, & multiple ovarian cysts.  He put me back on Elmiron for now to see if it helps any & they are going to take a camera & go up into my bladder to look at it to rule out bladder cancer.  Then I have to have surgery to remove the endo & cysts & he said that they are going to go up into my uterus this time & do something similar to a D & C & then send the tissue off to pathology to try to figure out why I keep bleeding for months at a time.  I am very nervous about having to have all of this done, but at the same time I am looking forward to hopefully getting some answers & feeling good again!  I mostly just sleep & I'm so tired of feeling tired all the time!

I guess that's about it for now...I'll try to update this blog more often from now on!

Hope everyone is doing good!

XOXO
♥ Just A Girl ♥ 

♥ Thank The Lord ♥

So, I had a doctor appointment yesterday with my new PCP again to talk about the whole who said I was addicted & what-not & about getting on something for anxiety.  As soon as she came in the room, she started apologizing profusely because they had gotten my charts mixed up with someone else!  That was a big relief!  Everyone was really upset when I told them this news last week so I am so thankful that it was just a big misunderstanding! 

She prescribed me Klonopin for the anxiety to take 3xday as needed.  I don't know if I'll need it that much or not, but as for now I'm taking it as directed until I feel some relief.  It would be nice if I only needed to take half a dose 3xday instead of a full dose.  I started it yesterday as soon as I got it & already I am feeling a little better!  I don't feel so agitated all the time or on edge.  I feel more mellow & calm & so far everyone still has their heads on, so I think it's doing it's job!  LoL 
I am just so glad this doctor really is listening to me and trying to help me out!  I was skeptical last week after Jeremy had talked to the nurse, but after my appointment yesterday, she really made an impact on me like she is the one who is going to be helping me get on the path to recovery soon!  She's already gotten all of my referrals sent out!  I go to the OU Women's Clinic in the middle of September & the doctor I'm seeing is both a Gynecologist & a Urologist so that will take off even more stress to see what's going on with my endo & IC.  I feel like I have been having more bladder pain here lately and sometimes I have trouble going so I definitely feel like I'm not getting any better thus far with this issue.  I have also been feeling pretty bloated & 'backed up' & it's not a great feeling.  In fact, it hurts like heck!  I'm sorry to be so forward in my posts, but I want women to know my symptoms & maybe it'll help someone else someday that has the same thing that I do, but hasn't quite gotten to a doctor that will listen to them and take them seriously.  The only way we are going to figure out what's wrong & symptoms of new diseases or old ones is to spread the word...two people with the same disease may have different symptoms & the list of symptoms described for diseases are only the most common ones out of so many people they have studied with the disease when in fact there may be more symptoms than just those listed, but they aren't listed because those people weren't in the study. 

The one thing I'm learning from all of this is that everyone has to stand up for their health!  If you think you have something wrong & you feel in your gut that something is not right than most likely you are right & you have to make your doctor listen to you and take you seriously!  Don't let them blow you off & treat you as if it's all in your head because most of the time, it's NOT!!!!  I know my own body better than my doctor, better than anyone else & I know when something is not right!  That doesn't make me a hypochondriac!  That makes me aware of what's going on with my body!  I do have alot of different issues going on with my body & I do alot of research on symptoms and whatnot to try to figure out what could possibly be going on, but ultimately it is the doctor who does the diagnosis.  If I think I might have something I've read about, I discuss it with them & ask why not?  Why couldn't I have this?  Especially if all of my symptoms are the same?   Just like with this Interstitial Cystitis, my mom asked well, how do you know it's not bladder cancer?  You know what the doctor said???  That we don't know that it isn't!!!!  The ultrasound didn't show anything remarkable but that doesn't mean that I still don't have bladder cancer because they haven't gone up inside to look in my bladder so I may very well have it, but it's too small to be seen by ultrasound right now!  That is why I have been so determined to get into a Urologist...with all of the symptoms that I'm having & with bladder cancer running in my family, it freaks me out to think that I could possibly have it & I want it ruled out ASAP if I don't or found & cured early if I do!  It is one of the easiest cancers to cure if it's found early!  So, why not get in there & find it & fix it before it's too late! 

Fight for your health friends!  No one else will!  Not even your own doctor if you don't stand up to them and tell them too!  You have to be persistent too!  If they aren't calling you, call them!  It's your life on the line, not theirs!!!!  What do you have to lose?!?  YOUR LIFE! IF YOU DON'T STAND UP & DO SOMETHING ABOUT IT!  AND DON'T TAKE NO FOR AN ANSWER!!!!!  If you have all of the symptoms or a majority of the symptoms for something make them explain to you why you don't have it!!!!! They won't be able to tell you that you don't have it if they don't run the proper tests on you to find out! 

On another good note!  The only other referral I'm waiting on is for Pain Management in BA with a Dr. Briggerman-sp?  & as soon as that appointment is made I'll pretty much be all set up except for the rheumatologist, but that is pretty minor compared to everything else right now.  I hope to eventually get all of it taken care of, but right now we are focusing on the most important & painful issues.  My back still really hurts me a majority of the time so I'm hoping the PM doc will be a big help with that.  I'm just going to stand up and tell him what works and what doesn't & if he's not willing to help me I'll find a doctor who will!  Sometimes you have to search a while before you find the right doctor..the one who will really listen to you and take you seriously, but when you do, it is so worth it!  Remember, it's your life on the line!  Demand to be taken seriously!  Don't take NO for an answer especially when you have that gut feeling that something's not right! 

Well, I guess that's about it for now!  That's my rant for the day!  LOL  Sorry so long!  I just haven't blogged on here in awhile and wanted to update on what's been going on in my life here lately!  I haven't been doing much of anything except dealing with my health issues and sleeping!  It's time to get up & start feeling better!  I'm so ready!  I'm looking forward to the day when I feel back to normal or at least close to it!  I miss being able to play with my kids, cooking, walking, shopping, housework, everything a person would normally do on a day to day basis!  Never thought I would miss doing housework or cooking for my family, but I do & it makes me sad that I don't do it everyday for them like I used to!  I'm just so lucky that they all understand & love me anyways & are willing to help me out when I can't do much!  They are truly the world's most wonderful little family! 

Well, I promise to start blogging on here more often!  I'm going to try to write a blog everyday from now on...at least one every other day!  I'll try not to make them all about my medical issues either...I would love to add fun little blogs & get back to the basics of life...kids, love, family, & friends! 

I hope this finds you all doing well...at least better than I! 

God Bless!

XOXO

♥ Just A Girl ♥

♥ I Love My Man! ♥

I just wanted to write to say that I am absolutely totally in love with my wonderful, amazing man!  He has been my rock through all of my medical issues that I am having!  He is the only one who is sticking up for me & helping me out with all of my doctors.  He calls them when they are giving me the runaround which has been often here lately!  I have been bawling over this whole mess because I just can't handle it anymore!  I have been having the worst anxiety over everything & it's to the point where all I do is cry, my chest hurts, I feel like I can't breathe, my heart races & I panic!  I need something on top of the Zoloft and my doctor said I need to go talk to a therapist to see if they can give me something on top of the Zoloft to help with the anxiety.  I just can't handle all of this crap anymore!  I feel like no one listens to me & just blows me off about it.  Just now when Jeremy was talking to my good nurse at my PCP's office, she told him someone sent them a chart saying that I had an addiction to anxiety medication!!! I've never even taken medicine for anxiety besides the Zoloft and Lexapro and a slew of other antidepressant medications which none of them even worked!  That's why I was trying to get on something to take on top of it until it kicks in and starts working!  Why is this happening to me?  I've never had anxiety like this before...between all of my pain & going from doctor to doctor to find one that will help me, it's no wonder I'm so stressed & having all this anxiety!  It's been over 6 months that I've been dealing with all of this & probably even longer!  It's just all getting to me & all I want to do is lay in a ball & cry my eyes out & sleep & try to forget about it all!  I can't believe it has taken me this long & even longer to find a doctor that will help me!  I still don't know about my new PCP.  I really thought she was going to be the one to get all of this figured out, but now it seems as though she is just doing the same thing as all of the rest of them!  I am supposed to be referred to a urologist, gynecologist, rheumatologist & a new Pain Management doctor!  Guess what?  The only f'ing referral they have for me is a freakin urologist!  I have so many problems & I NEED to get into all of these different doctors ASAP!   I should have already been in with them & had all of this stuff taken care of a LONG time ago!  I should already be on the road to recovery & feeling better!   I can't believe all of this is happening to me!  Please Lord help give me the strength to get through everything!  The last few days I've wanted nothing more than to not even be here on this earth!  I feel like a failure as a mom & as a person!  I feel like I'm nothing.  I feel unloved & not wanted even though I have the most supportive man in the world & my wonderful children who always try to keep me in good spirits!  I just need some help getting through all of this & I know God is the only one who is going to carry me through it!  I've been doing alot of praying here lately & I'm so hoping he gets me through this mess!  I love you God & I thank you for holding me in your arms when I can't even hold myself up!

♥ A Medical Update & A Heartache ♥

I've really been slacking on this blog lately because I've been laid up with the heating pad for what seems like FOREVER!!!  Besides my man, it's been my best friend for the past few weeks, literally!  It hasn't left my abdomen!  

 I've been to the emergency room twice in the past 4 days!  Both times were for the same issue, which is multiple cysts covering both of my ovaries & I'm assuming my endometriosis is back.  I've been having severe left abdominal & lower back pain, been bleeding for almost 3 months now nonstop, severe fatigue, bloating, loss of appetite, nausea, & I've lost about 20 pounds in the past 2 months. 

The pain the first time around was pretty bad, but bearable.  This second time around I had to go because the pain was unbearable & was traveling down my leg & inbetween my shoulder blades.  They gave me meds to calm my belly, for the nausea & for the pain.  They did a CT scan this time, along with a chest x-ray & some more bloodwork.  All was normal except of course for the cysts covering my ovaries.

The first time, my blood pressure was 154 over 117 which is very very high for me & my potassium was low, which has never happened to me before either.  That really freaked me out!  They gave me two potassium pills while I was there so I guess it was pretty low. 

The first time they ended up doing a pelvic exam along with a transvaginal ultrasound which showed the multiple cysts covering both ovaries.  The doctor said that she would diagnosis me with PCOS except that almost every symptom I had contradicted the symptoms for PCOS. 

 I was very worried that maybe I had something serious because of my weight loss, but tonight when they did the CT scan, I'm assuming that was ruled out.  I'm keeping my fingers crossed that this is just my endometriosis!  Yes, it sucks & it's very painful, but I'm seriously debating having a hysterectomy to pretty much take care of it, at least for awhile & hopefully I won't have to have anymore surgeries & that should keep it at bay. 

It really saddens me that I might have to go ahead & have a hysterectomy.  I am finally with the man that I want to spend forever with & I constantly dream of what our child would look like if we were to have one together.  It breaks my heart that this dream will most likely never become a reality.  He made comments awhile back that one day he wanted me to get a tubal reversal & give him a boy. Never being able to have a child with my Mr. Wonderul is part of the reason my heart hurts now that I might have to have this procedure done.  The other reason is because it will be permanent.  Never again will I ever be able to get pregnant & carry a child.  I'll never get to feel those first flutters of a tiny miracle growing inside me.  I'll never get to experience my wonderful man touching my belly to feel those first kicks, talking to my belly so our baby will recognize the sound of his daddy's voice or him oohing & aahing over our beautiful baby that I just gave birth to.  The whole miraculous experience from conception to birth to raising a baby will be gone forever.  

My amazing boyfriend is so supportive & understanding of my emotional roller coaster right now.  He has expressed his feelings & only wants whats best for my health even if that means we will never get to have a child together.  He is ok with it & said he wants to be with me forever regardless.  He is content & happy with the children we both have already & is fine if we never have another one of our own.  I have 3 from a previous relationship & he has 3 from a previous relationship also.  He adopted two of his & has one biologically.  I think that this is why it is much harder on me than it is on him.  The child he has biologically is a little girl which is why I really wanted to give him a little boy of his own. 

This will not be easy to overcome emotionally, but I know that my man will do everything in his power to try & make it bearable on me.  I know there will be many tears & I know he will be there to hold me.  There may be times when I just break down & I know he will be there to lift me up or catch me when I fall.  

XOXO

♥ Just A Girl ♥

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♥ Purex Giveaway Winner! ♥

The winner of the coupon for a FREE bottle of Purex Complete with Zout detergent is:

Kristin P.!!!

Congratulations!

Be on the lookout for more giveaways coming soon!  I have decided to start making my jewelry again & as soon as I have some made, I will be giving some away!

XOXO

♥ Just A Girl ♥