I've really been slacking on this blog lately because I've been laid up with the heating pad for what seems like FOREVER!!! Besides my man, it's been my best friend for the past few weeks, literally! It hasn't left my abdomen!
I've been to the emergency room twice in the past 4 days! Both times were for the same issue, which is multiple cysts covering both of my ovaries & I'm assuming my endometriosis is back. I've been having severe left abdominal & lower back pain, been bleeding for almost 3 months now nonstop, severe fatigue, bloating, loss of appetite, nausea, & I've lost about 20 pounds in the past 2 months.
The pain the first time around was pretty bad, but bearable. This second time around I had to go because the pain was unbearable & was traveling down my leg & inbetween my shoulder blades. They gave me meds to calm my belly, for the nausea & for the pain. They did a CT scan this time, along with a chest x-ray & some more bloodwork. All was normal except of course for the cysts covering my ovaries.
The first time, my blood pressure was 154 over 117 which is very very high for me & my potassium was low, which has never happened to me before either. That really freaked me out! They gave me two potassium pills while I was there so I guess it was pretty low.
The first time they ended up doing a pelvic exam along with a transvaginal ultrasound which showed the multiple cysts covering both ovaries. The doctor said that she would diagnosis me with PCOS except that almost every symptom I had contradicted the symptoms for PCOS.
I was very worried that maybe I had something serious because of my weight loss, but tonight when they did the CT scan, I'm assuming that was ruled out. I'm keeping my fingers crossed that this is just my endometriosis! Yes, it sucks & it's very painful, but I'm seriously debating having a hysterectomy to pretty much take care of it, at least for awhile & hopefully I won't have to have anymore surgeries & that should keep it at bay.
It really saddens me that I might have to go ahead & have a hysterectomy. I am finally with the man that I want to spend forever with & I constantly dream of what our child would look like if we were to have one together. It breaks my heart that this dream will most likely never become a reality. He made comments awhile back that one day he wanted me to get a tubal reversal & give him a boy. Never being able to have a child with my Mr. Wonderul is part of the reason my heart hurts now that I might have to have this procedure done. The other reason is because it will be permanent. Never again will I ever be able to get pregnant & carry a child. I'll never get to feel those first flutters of a tiny miracle growing inside me. I'll never get to experience my wonderful man touching my belly to feel those first kicks, talking to my belly so our baby will recognize the sound of his daddy's voice or him oohing & aahing over our beautiful baby that I just gave birth to. The whole miraculous experience from conception to birth to raising a baby will be gone forever.
My amazing boyfriend is so supportive & understanding of my emotional roller coaster right now. He has expressed his feelings & only wants whats best for my health even if that means we will never get to have a child together. He is ok with it & said he wants to be with me forever regardless. He is content & happy with the children we both have already & is fine if we never have another one of our own. I have 3 from a previous relationship & he has 3 from a previous relationship also. He adopted two of his & has one biologically. I think that this is why it is much harder on me than it is on him. The child he has biologically is a little girl which is why I really wanted to give him a little boy of his own.
This will not be easy to overcome emotionally, but I know that my man will do everything in his power to try & make it bearable on me. I know there will be many tears & I know he will be there to hold me. There may be times when I just break down & I know he will be there to lift me up or catch me when I fall.
XOXO
♥ Just A Girl ♥
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