♥ I Love My Man! ♥

I just wanted to write to say that I am absolutely totally in love with my wonderful, amazing man!  He has been my rock through all of my medical issues that I am having!  He is the only one who is sticking up for me & helping me out with all of my doctors.  He calls them when they are giving me the runaround which has been often here lately!  I have been bawling over this whole mess because I just can't handle it anymore!  I have been having the worst anxiety over everything & it's to the point where all I do is cry, my chest hurts, I feel like I can't breathe, my heart races & I panic!  I need something on top of the Zoloft and my doctor said I need to go talk to a therapist to see if they can give me something on top of the Zoloft to help with the anxiety.  I just can't handle all of this crap anymore!  I feel like no one listens to me & just blows me off about it.  Just now when Jeremy was talking to my good nurse at my PCP's office, she told him someone sent them a chart saying that I had an addiction to anxiety medication!!! I've never even taken medicine for anxiety besides the Zoloft and Lexapro and a slew of other antidepressant medications which none of them even worked!  That's why I was trying to get on something to take on top of it until it kicks in and starts working!  Why is this happening to me?  I've never had anxiety like this before...between all of my pain & going from doctor to doctor to find one that will help me, it's no wonder I'm so stressed & having all this anxiety!  It's been over 6 months that I've been dealing with all of this & probably even longer!  It's just all getting to me & all I want to do is lay in a ball & cry my eyes out & sleep & try to forget about it all!  I can't believe it has taken me this long & even longer to find a doctor that will help me!  I still don't know about my new PCP.  I really thought she was going to be the one to get all of this figured out, but now it seems as though she is just doing the same thing as all of the rest of them!  I am supposed to be referred to a urologist, gynecologist, rheumatologist & a new Pain Management doctor!  Guess what?  The only f'ing referral they have for me is a freakin urologist!  I have so many problems & I NEED to get into all of these different doctors ASAP!   I should have already been in with them & had all of this stuff taken care of a LONG time ago!  I should already be on the road to recovery & feeling better!   I can't believe all of this is happening to me!  Please Lord help give me the strength to get through everything!  The last few days I've wanted nothing more than to not even be here on this earth!  I feel like a failure as a mom & as a person!  I feel like I'm nothing.  I feel unloved & not wanted even though I have the most supportive man in the world & my wonderful children who always try to keep me in good spirits!  I just need some help getting through all of this & I know God is the only one who is going to carry me through it!  I've been doing alot of praying here lately & I'm so hoping he gets me through this mess!  I love you God & I thank you for holding me in your arms when I can't even hold myself up!